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Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

One second is just enough to make you realize how much you have missed the thing. Few seconds past, I opened my old blog URL and yeah, I miss to write, I miss to write about my life, I miss my blogger friends and I am realizing how much I may miss if I don’t write now.

Today is last day of the month (realized after getting sms that my salary is credited :D) and thought to capture the whole month in one blog post.

  • I met my “Blogger friend” and it was one of the best meet. It was as if we know each other since long and we talked and talked sitting in our favorite restaurant, the place which we had decided long ago in chatting. There was then a wonderful trip planned. Our jokes of chinnu driver, fevicol jokes, shinning water and our pujas with all crazy poses….each and every second was filled with fun. Thank you Life! Friendship just ROCKS 🙂
  • I found myself again going into spiritual world, a world all together different where you just want to cuddle inside of you not bothering about anyone. My second level Reikhi classes started. I am feeling my body is becoming sensitive to energies. Sometimes a sort of current runs inside body and you just want to be alone and want to think about some white light. A part of you is there that wants to take something and a part that wants to give something.
  • This Neilina has changed so much. I hate now to be in love. Feeling of love makes me to feel as if I am in some prison. As if someone will make me to fly high where my heart will choke and unable to breathe, I will die. So many proposals have started coming and suddenly I am realizing that there are just two kinds of people – men and women and they only can have a relationship called love. This love is making me to lose my good friends. 😦
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WANTS

Just read………..

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” – Chuck Palahniuk

Sometime it really amazes me to find that there is someone else too, who wants the same things as me. Even if we both are completely different. And we both don’t look towards each other, we both are looking towards two parallel road that can never meet. In aloneness we all are not alone.

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Weirdo me!

Is there some craziness in air? Or only I am behaving weirdly these days? Time is changing and my life is becoming more exciting. Don’t know why God is in a mood to give me  surprises. And guess what, everyone is coming to know what a weirdo I am!

  • You get to meet your crush in office pantry and deep in his thoughts you come to your cube. Picks-up your water bottle and again go to pantry to fill it. Not bothering about anyone and completely in his thoughts, suddenly your friend comes from behind and out of surprise does “Bhoooooo”. You get scared and shouts like anything. Everyone stands-up from their cube and starts looking at you. (Gosh! what a scene it was when whole of the floor was looking at me! )
  • You are late for shuttle and in a hurry you take away comb (remember I have big-big sized comb) and hold it in your hand to later to keep in bag. Amazed by the scene as to why everyone in shuttle is looking at your hand, you realizes that you are still holding the comb thinking it is mobile.
  • One day you realizes increasing waist line and it becoming a tire. You finally join yoga classes. After few weeks the instructor tells you to do Shirsha Asan, a head stand posture and your legs are straight-up. And not-to-mention, yoga instructor is kinda shy. He somehow helps you to do it and when you gain that posture, your loose t-shirt starts to fall down. And when your skittish instructor sees your belly (I should thank God that T-shirt didn’t come down further), he shyly goes away from you. You can’t lift your shirt-up in that posture and  can’t come back again to normal posture.

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DESIRES

And what about those desires that creeps into your heart when you sleep

With morning sun-rays, they then dance with every thought in your mind

and sometime in just a blink, they lock themselves in deserted heart corner

as if they are naked and don’t want to be seen by those strange alien eyes

Sometimes these desires make you to mingle with sane dirt

And wants you to fly above as if they are in love with colors of rainbow

They see themselves in sparkling reflections of dew drops

And wants you to grab love of every sunshine

And again in night when you go to sleep

These desires makes you to realize

“you still breathe”

~neilina

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WE

Somewhere in our life
when my sun will see his shadow
and
his rays will come to sleep in my eyes
with me singing lullaby for them
I will spread then
all the twinkles of my eyes
with my black hidden mascara
on your way
and with my hand in your hand
we both will take a step towards
what they call
heaven
~neilina

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Sometime I feel to define some relationship which is beyond any definition, which is not confined as to what we all look into a relationship. And in this try, I always land-up in losing the relationship, the relationship goes from my life even before I could understand it. I have told him so many times that the way I feel comfortable to share everything about me, I have never felt with anyone. I shared so many things and felt so secure with him. I don’t know if it was love or what. The way pearl must have felt inside its shell, I felt the same with him. And now suddenly, in just a click he is gone. It is not that I wanted to spend my full life with him, but after all the time that we have spent together, I can expect him to be with me as a friend. And my expectation is standing alone, ready to fall without any hope. He is gone finally. He is bounded by someone else not to create or define any relationship that can have no definition. And that someone may be bounded by someone else. A never ending circle!

It is one of those days that you scan your friend list and there is no-one to talk. And then your want to see that far, so far where may be someone’s eyes can meet your longing. You then sleep with a wish! :

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YOUR STEPS

i have always seen

our footsteps marked on sand

with rusted sunset holding our breath.

and now

when i go alone on that seashore

i always find your footmarks

on turning back

those tidal waves still caress them

as if you are their child

or may be they have their own way

of remembering who once stepped with them.

in same need as God of love

i also want to lay my steps

on those marked steps of yours

but every time those tidal waves

throw me high up in the air

where my heart chokes

with thoughts of meeting the horizon

……may be i was an unwelcome guest in your life

or……may be welcomed one but I overstayed

Sometimes i wonder

what if i again see you somewhere

in that shade of rusted sunset!

will then we still be presuming

being ‘US’ is a mistake

or we would have accepted

it doesn’t matter to our lives!

….but tell me once

which is more worse?

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