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Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

One second is just enough to make you realize how much you have missed the thing. Few seconds past, I opened my old blog URL and yeah, I miss to write, I miss to write about my life, I miss my blogger friends and I am realizing how much I may miss if I don’t write now.

Today is last day of the month (realized after getting sms that my salary is credited :D) and thought to capture the whole month in one blog post.

  • I met my “Blogger friend” and it was one of the best meet. It was as if we know each other since long and we talked and talked sitting in our favorite restaurant, the place which we had decided long ago in chatting. There was then a wonderful trip planned. Our jokes of chinnu driver, fevicol jokes, shinning water and our pujas with all crazy poses….each and every second was filled with fun. Thank you Life! Friendship just ROCKS 🙂
  • I found myself again going into spiritual world, a world all together different where you just want to cuddle inside of you not bothering about anyone. My second level Reikhi classes started. I am feeling my body is becoming sensitive to energies. Sometimes a sort of current runs inside body and you just want to be alone and want to think about some white light. A part of you is there that wants to take something and a part that wants to give something.
  • This Neilina has changed so much. I hate now to be in love. Feeling of love makes me to feel as if I am in some prison. As if someone will make me to fly high where my heart will choke and unable to breathe, I will die. So many proposals have started coming and suddenly I am realizing that there are just two kinds of people – men and women and they only can have a relationship called love. This love is making me to lose my good friends. 😦
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Last night I couldn’t sleep and whenever I was trying to close my eyes some strange feeling was circling my heart, my body….hmm….and may be my soul also. My soul was floating inside my body. As if a layer of sensational energy is created inside me and it is floating. And then I felt my soul (or may be my body…I am not so sure) contracting and in this contraction I saw my expansion.

Yeah, I know I am sounding like a complete frantic insane girl!

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Sometime I feel to define some relationship which is beyond any definition, which is not confined as to what we all look into a relationship. And in this try, I always land-up in losing the relationship, the relationship goes from my life even before I could understand it. I have told him so many times that the way I feel comfortable to share everything about me, I have never felt with anyone. I shared so many things and felt so secure with him. I don’t know if it was love or what. The way pearl must have felt inside its shell, I felt the same with him. And now suddenly, in just a click he is gone. It is not that I wanted to spend my full life with him, but after all the time that we have spent together, I can expect him to be with me as a friend. And my expectation is standing alone, ready to fall without any hope. He is gone finally. He is bounded by someone else not to create or define any relationship that can have no definition. And that someone may be bounded by someone else. A never ending circle!

It is one of those days that you scan your friend list and there is no-one to talk. And then your want to see that far, so far where may be someone’s eyes can meet your longing. You then sleep with a wish! :

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It really feels so great sometimes when you are in silence with the world, not bothering about what noises are saying about you. And you are a complete chatterbox with yourself. I am loving this feeling. It has given me confidence and happiness.

  • Few days back my mom told me about the condition of my grandpa. He is in his late eighties and suffering from some or the other kind of old age illness now. He got blood clot in the brain and few months back when I had gone to my native, he was having a bad time with his heart. When I saw him, I hugged him so tightly for death to surrender. I can count on my fingers the number of occasions we have talked. And now I am scared to see my life’s journey. I know with this growing age I won’t be having everyone with me. There won’t be anyone in my life to whom I can call grandpa. Sometimes you feel, it isn’t the time spend in the relationship that makes it strong, there is some other thing also. And I am missing him now.
  • Finally I enrolled myself into Reikhi class. I am really happy for this 🙂
  • The weekend was dedicated to Spa and Parlor. First time I am realizing the importance of money after visiting spa… 🙂
  • My office is shifted to different building with new project. Although I rarely know people here and but I am enjoying this invisibility. It is a different feeling when you are among strangers.
  • I have grown my nails. Doesn’t it feel beautiful to see your manicured hands 🙂
  • Friends are still the heartbeats for my happiness. I am really a sucker for this happiness. The moments that hold our songs sung together, the candle night dinner that we landed into, gossips about each and everyone, the gifts, the teasing………….all these have become my favorite memories. Somewhere you realize……..

You say someone:

~ Is a paradox.
~ Is an enigma.
~ Is wired weirdly.
~ Is a madcap.

But you believe someone:

~ Is a good friend.
~ Is a Godsend.
~ Is one who connects.
~ Is humility, humour, honesty personified

~~ And that’s when you want to start believing in *good Karma ~~

Read these lines somewhere. Cheers to friendship!!!

Happy Women’s Day!!! 🙂

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WEAKNESS

Sometimes I feel as if all the scratches left by the time has been rubbed. I am now a free, happy fully contented tranquil soul. But few days back, it so happened that I felt to tell everything to one of my friend. We are good friends but after his marriage limits appeared in our relationship. The time we used to spend together, our gossips, our roaming, everything condensed. Anyways every relationship changes with time and it is best to change ourselves accordingly. I don’t know what made me to share everything with him and one day I told him everything about the latest happenings in my life. He didn’t say anything…..no words to soothe you! Just nothing! But he just kept his hand on my head. I love when others keep their hands on my head. I felt so weak and felt how much still I need care and support of someone. I still haven’t grown-up to face everything alone what my life has to offer. I just wanted to hug him there only, on the road and wanted to cry on his shoulder. But I saw the space that time has created. And I continued to walk like a programmed robot.

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Tag – Me At 10!!

Tauseef has tagged me to tell ten honest things about myself. So, here goes the tag………

1. I feel very uncomfortable to talk to people with their goggles. I feels like a big curtain is hanging between us. I am more into thinking through and interpreting the meaning from eyes and face expressions rather than what the words carry.

2. I always thank God for getting auto early morning while going to office. I don’t remember anything other than this for what I thank God everyday (saying loudly)!

3. I have started keeping myself isolated from the world. In-fact, I am feeling that my world is shrinking. I am growing with my thoughts and into my thoughts.

4. It is very difficult for me to choose between my values and expectations on one side and the people whom I love on other. Many-a-times, I have faced difficulities to choose one of them and it always lands me into guilt and insecurity.

5. My recent wish list includes Toyota corolla and everyday I am falling in love with this car.

6. I miss late night-long-talks with friends.

7. I am puzzled by the fact that some people hate to get forward mails. I love them and it is the best time-pass for me in office 🙂

8. My mood is lifted just by seeing blue.

9. I long to see a soul, a ghost (hopefully not), an angel or anyone not from this world.

10. I love to receive cards as gifts with nice wordings….ek dum dil se!

F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D!!!!

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In this abstruse and arcane world, sometimes  I feel like to create my own universe; making ‘you’ to stand at one corner and me at the other end and then painting a life where…….

a tear is enough to release all known secrets

each meet doesn’t mean becoming more strangers

every story doesn’t end with words but a longing

each bond takes a step towards serenity and freedom

understanding will come before giving explanations

trust doesn’t depend on years spent together

where….every turn of life will find ‘you’, waiting for me

………………..

I am still standing there, holding my life with abundance of marks left by you

I hope these marks haven’t got vanished by the strokes of my hardened heart

And you will see them on your return journey.

***********************

Up Above there

in the sky

Deep Below here

in my heart

where there lay

zillion songs

of drowsy words

and loner lyrics

screaming silence

with every heartbeat

Will ‘you’ sing that song for me?

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