Weirdo me!

Is there some craziness in air? Or only I am behaving weirdly these days? Time is changing and my life is becoming more exciting. Don’t know why God is in a mood to give me  surprises. And guess what, everyone is coming to know what a weirdo I am!

• You get to meet your crush in office pantry and deep in his thoughts you come to your cube. Picks-up your water bottle and again go to pantry to fill it. Not bothering about anyone and completely in his thoughts, suddenly your friend comes from behind and out of surprise does “Bhoooooo”. You get scared and shouts like anything. Everyone stands-up from their cube and starts looking at you. (Gosh! what a scene it was when whole of the floor was looking at me! )
• You are late for shuttle and in a hurry you take away comb (remember I have big-big sized comb) and hold it in your hand to later to keep in bag. Amazed by the scene as to why everyone in shuttle is looking at your hand, you realizes that you are still holding the comb thinking it is mobile.
• One day you realizes increasing waist line and it becoming a tire. You finally join yoga classes. After few weeks the instructor tells you to do Shirsha Asan, a head stand posture and your legs are straight-up. And not-to-mention, yoga instructor is kinda shy. He somehow helps you to do it and when you gain that posture, your loose t-shirt starts to fall down. And when your skittish instructor sees your belly (I should thank God that T-shirt didn’t come down further), he shyly goes away from you. You can’t lift your shirt-up in that posture and  can’t come back again to normal posture.

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Was that bizarre feeling?

Last night I couldn’t sleep and whenever I was trying to close my eyes some strange feeling was circling my heart, my body….hmm….and may be my soul also. My soul was floating inside my body. As if a layer of sensational energy is created inside me and it is floating. And then I felt my soul (or may be my body…I am not so sure) contracting and in this contraction I saw my expansion.

Yeah, I know I am sounding like a complete frantic insane girl!

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Blind Haziness!

When I closed my eyes yesterday night, some hazel dreams started dancing in the deep darkness in-front of my eyes. But all I could see were those murky dreams that were just randomly jumping rather than dancing with those mesmerizing steps. And then with all my strength I tried to clear this smoggy scene and at the end all I could see were zillion twinkling dots telling me to shape my dream. I took one dot, joined it to another and then to another and then to another……..

Many painted dreams now invisibly rest besides me. And today when I tried to admire them, all I could feel and see is that they are not fitting in the space. I don’t know what this space is all about. May be it is all that my heart can think of, may be it is all that my eyes can see, may be it is all those emotions that I can feel or may be it is just a reflection of some fanatical dreams on a thin ice. I am clueless! And today only I got to read this message for me…..

“… that when you pursue your dreams, every second is an encounter with God. Following your dreams opens your heart allowing God to enter and fill you with bliss.”

I am here now with my dreams, struggling hard to fit them into my defined space. Many have been crippled and few have been smashed in this trial. I don’t know where God will enter and if He can fill cracks with his bliss. Just with a hope…..Amen!

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Realizations….

• I always believed that communication is the most vital part of any relationship. Well, it seems sometimes we share so much with someone but something from no-where always creeps-in creating a wall between the two. And sometimes even when the two communicates like anything, some words still remain unspoken creating a wall. I realized I am still bad in expressing myself to others.
• You can’t have any relationship without limits. I thought I could have and then a try to have one, made the relationship to move away from my life.
• Relationship is still the most difficult subject to think upon. I really don’t want to think!!
• I realized the new changed me. Earlier Neilina who always wanted someone by her side now loves to live alone. She doesn’t believe now in soulmates.  I was surprised by myself only as to how I started accepting all the things coming in my life.
• Facebook is addictive than orkut. And now it is happening, that I am not opening my orkut account for many days.
• My cooking is not so bad 🙂 I have started liking my own dishes even when others are still giving me rank of 4 or 5.
• And I want to thanks from deep of my heart to Rambler and BlueMist who are there with me since the time I started my blog on wordpress. Thanks Guys!

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SQUEEZING MOMENTS!

There was something different that day. She felt what-if something happens to her tomorrow, she has never told him how much he means to her life even though he doesn’t feel anything for her.

She clicked on his name and stared at the popped-up window. And finally after few time clicks….

She: Hey….are you busy?

He: Is there something urgent?

She: Nope, nothing like that!

After few more time clicks….

He: So, are you back at home? Had your dinner?

She: not yet…have to prepare yet!

He: hmmm

She: I just wanted to tell you that you are very special to me.

He: Why? what happened suddenly…so, which movie have you watched?

She: *blank*

He: Don’t get senti on me, you know that I don’t like all this.

She: I know……I am sorry!

He: I don’t know what to say…..don’t put yourself into too many emotions and sentiments…..it pains later….am too straighforward!

She: Okay

She closed the window with a thought is he the one with whom she got engaged.  A fear crippled her when she thought about her future with him!

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STEPS!

FRIEND – WHO MAKES YOU FEEL HOW WONDERFUL YOUR LIFE CAN BE!!

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….and the happiness bubble landed here!

Long long back when I was lurking in shadows of my emotions, my dear blogger friend Amrit has awarded me this award. I am sorry Amrit that I took very long to write a post about it. I am sure this laziness will drown me somewhere! 😦

Thanks so much dear and I am glad that you think I am a creative writer. 🙂

And remember my BlueMist Akka……yeah, yeah…..my Khumbh Mela Behan, she has also awarded my blog. Yay!! 🙂 Claps please!!

And now, the intricate thing is that I have to write ten honest stuffs about me…..Phew!! So, here it goes…..

• It has been almost a year that I haven’t used my office shuttle in the morning. Is anyone interested in giving me an award on my laziness!
• I am losing interest to talk to people on cell. In fact, I feel more comfortable now to chat with them.
• I love when someone calls me in the mid of night 🙂
• Letting go the things (sometime my dreams) and accepting the things are now my two mantras.
• It is not easy for me to tell people what they mean to me. Sometime I just wish that they all could understand how much I love them.
• Oh, I am just wishing for something to happen that will reinforce my belief in serendipity.
• I love to see people laughing.
• The best way to spill all my stupid emotions and thoughts is to write a poem on them.
• Sometimes, I just want to escape and sleep in my mom’s lap and want to lay there till eternity.
• The worst emotion that I have faced in recent days is to feel and to see your parents growing old.

F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D!!

Thanks so much for all your love!!!!!! Thanks for making me happy!

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A LIE!

Are the clouds shinning in this crisp morning

even when the sun is not here to brighten me

and I know my clouds are in dull grey color

or

Is the life bestowed with beauty and endless joy

even when you are not here sitting besides me

and I know some moments are meant not to have you

either way

Hope is alive; smiling with every breath of mine

and clouds shines with solitary ray meant for ‘us’

making life to exhale certainty of its own existance

and

Within the certainty in billionth of a second

holds the truth of thousand unsaid warm promises

that your life has touched me somewhere

even when I know you always think……

I am just a Lie.

~neilina

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Tag – Me At 10!!

Tauseef has tagged me to tell ten honest things about myself. So, here goes the tag………

1. I feel very uncomfortable to talk to people with their goggles. I feels like a big curtain is hanging between us. I am more into thinking through and interpreting the meaning from eyes and face expressions rather than what the words carry.

2. I always thank God for getting auto early morning while going to office. I don’t remember anything other than this for what I thank God everyday (saying loudly)!

3. I have started keeping myself isolated from the world. In-fact, I am feeling that my world is shrinking. I am growing with my thoughts and into my thoughts.

4. It is very difficult for me to choose between my values and expectations on one side and the people whom I love on other. Many-a-times, I have faced difficulities to choose one of them and it always lands me into guilt and insecurity.

5. My recent wish list includes Toyota corolla and everyday I am falling in love with this car.

6. I miss late night-long-talks with friends.

7. I am puzzled by the fact that some people hate to get forward mails. I love them and it is the best time-pass for me in office 🙂

8. My mood is lifted just by seeing blue.

9. I long to see a soul, a ghost (hopefully not), an angel or anyone not from this world.

10. I love to receive cards as gifts with nice wordings….ek dum dil se!

F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D!!!!

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"US"

i stepped once and

you stepped twice

and that was how

a journey was

covered of

thousand miles

in silence salty lap 

when eyes were closed

i laid there besides you

counting every dream

that took my breath away

and took my twinkle away

they took me down

they took me up

it was neither you nor i

i knew it was just ‘US’

i stepped once and

you stepped twice

and finally

in the darkness of night

we found a moon

with a star

shinning bright

and that was how

we finished our journey

of thousand miles

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