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Archive for the ‘confusion’ Category

One second is just enough to make you realize how much you have missed the thing. Few seconds past, I opened my old blog URL and yeah, I miss to write, I miss to write about my life, I miss my blogger friends and I am realizing how much I may miss if I don’t write now.

Today is last day of the month (realized after getting sms that my salary is credited :D) and thought to capture the whole month in one blog post.

  • I met my “Blogger friend” and it was one of the best meet. It was as if we know each other since long and we talked and talked sitting in our favorite restaurant, the place which we had decided long ago in chatting. There was then a wonderful trip planned. Our jokes of chinnu driver, fevicol jokes, shinning water and our pujas with all crazy poses….each and every second was filled with fun. Thank you Life! Friendship just ROCKS 🙂
  • I found myself again going into spiritual world, a world all together different where you just want to cuddle inside of you not bothering about anyone. My second level Reikhi classes started. I am feeling my body is becoming sensitive to energies. Sometimes a sort of current runs inside body and you just want to be alone and want to think about some white light. A part of you is there that wants to take something and a part that wants to give something.
  • This Neilina has changed so much. I hate now to be in love. Feeling of love makes me to feel as if I am in some prison. As if someone will make me to fly high where my heart will choke and unable to breathe, I will die. So many proposals have started coming and suddenly I am realizing that there are just two kinds of people – men and women and they only can have a relationship called love. This love is making me to lose my good friends. 😦
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Last night I couldn’t sleep and whenever I was trying to close my eyes some strange feeling was circling my heart, my body….hmm….and may be my soul also. My soul was floating inside my body. As if a layer of sensational energy is created inside me and it is floating. And then I felt my soul (or may be my body…I am not so sure) contracting and in this contraction I saw my expansion.

Yeah, I know I am sounding like a complete frantic insane girl!

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Purple and ME

  • The book that is in my hand is “The Color Purple”
  • Today I am wearing a purple dress.
  • My wallet color is purple.
  • My friend just pinged me and she has the purple font color.
  • My blog name is “Purple Drizzle”
  • I just watched the movie “The color Purple”
  • All I could see are purple flowers from my window.
  • I have purple sketch pen today in my hand.

I am in love with this purple color! 🙂

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WEAKNESS

Sometimes I feel as if all the scratches left by the time has been rubbed. I am now a free, happy fully contented tranquil soul. But few days back, it so happened that I felt to tell everything to one of my friend. We are good friends but after his marriage limits appeared in our relationship. The time we used to spend together, our gossips, our roaming, everything condensed. Anyways every relationship changes with time and it is best to change ourselves accordingly. I don’t know what made me to share everything with him and one day I told him everything about the latest happenings in my life. He didn’t say anything…..no words to soothe you! Just nothing! But he just kept his hand on my head. I love when others keep their hands on my head. I felt so weak and felt how much still I need care and support of someone. I still haven’t grown-up to face everything alone what my life has to offer. I just wanted to hug him there only, on the road and wanted to cry on his shoulder. But I saw the space that time has created. And I continued to walk like a programmed robot.

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When I closed my eyes yesterday night, some hazel dreams started dancing in the deep darkness in-front of my eyes. But all I could see were those murky dreams that were just randomly jumping rather than dancing with those mesmerizing steps. And then with all my strength I tried to clear this smoggy scene and at the end all I could see were zillion twinkling dots telling me to shape my dream. I took one dot, joined it to another and then to another and then to another……..
Many painted dreams now invisibly rest besides me. And today when I tried to admire them, all I could feel and see is that they are not fitting in the space. I don’t know what this space is all about. May be it is all that my heart can think of, may be it is all that my eyes can see, may be it is all those emotions that I can feel or may be it is just a reflection of some fanatical dreams on a thin ice. I am clueless! And today only I got to read this message for me…..
“… that when you pursue your dreams, every second is an encounter with God. Following your dreams opens your heart allowing God to enter and fill you with bliss.”
I am here now with my dreams, struggling hard to fit them into my defined space. Many have been crippled and few have been smashed in this trial. I don’t know where God will enter and if He can fill cracks with his bliss. Just with a hope…..Amen!

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There was something different that day. She felt what-if something happens to her tomorrow, she has never told him how much he means to her life even though he doesn’t feel anything for her.

She clicked on his name and stared at the popped-up window. And finally after few time clicks….

She: Hey….are you busy?

He: Is there something urgent?

She: Nope, nothing like that!

After few more time clicks….

He: So, are you back at home? Had your dinner?

She: not yet…have to prepare yet!

He: hmmm

She: I just wanted to tell you that you are very special to me.

He: Why? what happened suddenly…so, which movie have you watched?

She: *blank*

He: Don’t get senti on me, you know that I don’t like all this.

She: I know……I am sorry!

He: I don’t know what to say…..don’t put yourself into too many emotions and sentiments…..it pains later….am too straighforward!

She: Okay

She closed the window with a thought is he the one with whom she got engaged.  A fear crippled her when she thought about her future with him!

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In this abstruse and arcane world, sometimes  I feel like to create my own universe; making ‘you’ to stand at one corner and me at the other end and then painting a life where…….

a tear is enough to release all known secrets

each meet doesn’t mean becoming more strangers

every story doesn’t end with words but a longing

each bond takes a step towards serenity and freedom

understanding will come before giving explanations

trust doesn’t depend on years spent together

where….every turn of life will find ‘you’, waiting for me

………………..

I am still standing there, holding my life with abundance of marks left by you

I hope these marks haven’t got vanished by the strokes of my hardened heart

And you will see them on your return journey.

***********************

Up Above there

in the sky

Deep Below here

in my heart

where there lay

zillion songs

of drowsy words

and loner lyrics

screaming silence

with every heartbeat

Will ‘you’ sing that song for me?

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