Am here once again…..

Hopefully this time I will stay longer……what if “longer” would have meant “forever”!!

Naked

Is it wrong to get naked in front of GOD?

Mine

he is someone who spiritually grounds me, personally uplifts me; a man I stand in awe of and respect; a man I want to rip the clothes off ; a man who makes me feel appreciated and perfect just as I am!

Realizations – Trust

It doesn’t make much sense if you are trustworthy, it makes more sense if you can trust someone.

Am hating this….

Seriously, I don’t know how it feels to be in love. I have labelled myself as “in a relationship” or precisely you can say, “I am in love”. And guess what, am feeling it is worst of thing. Suddenly, I am feeling to have so much expectations from someone. And I have started behaving like a typical girl. I am fighting for not calling me, for not giving me attention, when he is spending so much time with friends, when he is chatting with someone and not replying me. I am feeling dam insecure and more of it scared. After having in relationship, I don’t know what actually I want from someone. He is arguing with me saying that he thought I was different. And I am just like another girl. Aren’t girls want to be the most important part of someone’s life? And if they are, why it is not shown to them?

Realizations

• How hard I try to forget people who had once crossed my life. Seems I got used to the fact that no one can be with you forever, its okay that people come and go. You have to move on.
• And sometimes I feel so lonely that I don’t have memories of people also to cherish. And sometimes I feel so scared to think about people that remembering them I will again land-up somewhere. Just the thought of remembering them scares me.
• I will be turning 29 this May! running 30! single, unsuccessful, lonely, disturbed! I never expected and what I expected from life, I myself don’t know.
• I find myself so vulnerable and in need of love. I know somethings you shouldn’t do but still even knowing all this I can’t make myself not to go to some direction.

 

November Ramblings!

One second is just enough to make you realize how much you have missed the thing. Few seconds past, I opened my old blog URL and yeah, I miss to write, I miss to write about my life, I miss my blogger friends and I am realizing how much I may miss if I don’t write now.

Today is last day of the month (realized after getting sms that my salary is credited ) and thought to capture the whole month in one blog post.

• I met my “Blogger friend” and it was one of the best meet. It was as if we know each other since long and we talked and talked sitting in our favorite restaurant, the place which we had decided long ago in chatting. There was then a wonderful trip planned. Our jokes of chinnu driver, fevicol jokes, shinning water and our pujas with all crazy poses….each and every second was filled with fun. Thank you Life! Friendship just ROCKS
• I found myself again going into spiritual world, a world all together different where you just want to cuddle inside of you not bothering about anyone. My second level Reikhi classes started. I am feeling my body is becoming sensitive to energies. Sometimes a sort of current runs inside body and you just want to be alone and want to think about some white light. A part of you is there that wants to take something and a part that wants to give something.
• This Neilina has changed so much. I hate now to be in love. Feeling of love makes me to feel as if I am in some prison. As if someone will make me to fly high where my heart will choke and unable to breathe, I will die. So many proposals have started coming and suddenly I am realizing that there are just two kinds of people – men and women and they only can have a relationship called love. This love is making me to lose my good friends.

WANTS

Just read………..

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” – Chuck Palahniuk

Sometime it really amazes me to find that there is someone else too, who wants the same things as me. Even if we both are completely different. And we both don’t look towards each other, we both are looking towards two parallel road that can never meet. In aloneness we all are not alone.

My guitar weeps!

Is guitar a difficult instrument to learn? My fingers pain when I practice and I am really feeling pity for my pinky finger. My guitar weeps when I touch it and he is very sad to know that there is not even melody in his cry, forget about his happy laugh when I thought I would be playing him someday on a stage. After every second, I need to remind myself, “No, I won’t give-up”. Where is my beginner’s luck?

And song in my mind is

I look at the world and I notice it’s turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

Weirdo me!

Is there some craziness in air? Or only I am behaving weirdly these days? Time is changing and my life is becoming more exciting. Don’t know why God is in a mood to give me  surprises. And guess what, everyone is coming to know what a weirdo I am!

• You get to meet your crush in office pantry and deep in his thoughts you come to your cube. Picks-up your water bottle and again go to pantry to fill it. Not bothering about anyone and completely in his thoughts, suddenly your friend comes from behind and out of surprise does “Bhoooooo”. You get scared and shouts like anything. Everyone stands-up from their cube and starts looking at you. (Gosh! what a scene it was when whole of the floor was looking at me! )
• You are late for shuttle and in a hurry you take away comb (remember I have big-big sized comb) and hold it in your hand to later to keep in bag. Amazed by the scene as to why everyone in shuttle is looking at your hand, you realizes that you are still holding the comb thinking it is mobile.
• One day you realizes increasing waist line and it becoming a tire. You finally join yoga classes. After few weeks the instructor tells you to do Shirsha Asan, a head stand posture and your legs are straight-up. And not-to-mention, yoga instructor is kinda shy. He somehow helps you to do it and when you gain that posture, your loose t-shirt starts to fall down. And when your skittish instructor sees your belly (I should thank God that T-shirt didn’t come down further), he shyly goes away from you. You can’t lift your shirt-up in that posture and  can’t come back again to normal posture.